New things are often scary.

I have had a lot of new this last month from neighborhood to job (or lack there of). There are a lot of moments to be scared by BUT there are a lot of moments to embrace. At night I run and jump on the bed when I flip the light switch off because the dark is scary. Definitely at my place now because I don't have an ounce of light and there are no streetlights to be seen from my home at all. But the up side to that is I am finally in my own space, there are no street lights bothering me with their light as well as nobody under that streetlight making noise in the middle of the night. I am scared I will not find a job and then become homeless......kinda. Though I know I have enough work experience that I will find something even if it is not my dream job. Also savings help me be picky. I realize that it is nothing to be scared of it is more an opportunity to try new things, learn a new skill and meet new people. There is no reason I will be stuck in anything I choose. That is the best thing I have learned is that everything is temporary. Fear is temporary and so is happiness. That just means I am going to try for happiness and not worry about the fear.    

Bathroom Design Progress

 The bathroom before pictures are very basic and boring. I like the tile in the shower because it is a sandy color which goes with my nautical theme. I got my hands on this beautiful shelving unit as well so that gives a little more to the space. 

 

Tarping a bathroom is horrible stuff! Wrapping the tarp around the toilet but also making sure it is against the wall on the floor and then around the shower. It is extra horrible because it is the smallest space to paint. The suffering was worth it though because the bathroom is beautiful all painted and with the accessories I purchased hung up. The blue seems to change colors depending on the lighting getting in the room but either way I love it. Though this room isn't finished yet I love how it is coming together. 

  

I am definitely loving this stained glass ship I hung in the window. 

Kitchen and desk area progress

These are some before photos of my kitchen and dining area I am turning into a desk area. It is a very open floor plan which I like a lot. I also has the most windows along the wall so prime sunlight.

         

 First thing I did was went to Home Depot and bought my colors, an edger, extra roller add ons, two sets that included big and small rollers/paint brush/paint can opener/paint tin, blue tape and tarps. Painting is not cheap by any means but the upside is I now own rollers and things so I do not need to purchase more. Putting down a tarp is no joking matter. It took quite some time to tap it down and cover all of the important surfaces.

The kitchen painting then began and just looked so wonderful the more white walls were covered in Laser Lemon. Since it is a textured wall we did two coats of paint everywhere then I took a fine tip paint brush and filled in any spots a roller or big brush couldn't get. A fine tip brush is also good for around light sockets since when they are taped you sometimes get a bit of the wall in the tape line.

While the kitchen walls were drying we moved on to the desk areas walls. With the help of these two we got the walls done fairly quickly. TIP: Always ask your friends for help. We ended up having to do three coats of paint on this area not just because of the textured wall but because the color didn't even out until the third coat. Especially along the edge against the ceiling you could see a huge color difference. But with help and more paint we evened the color.

 So here are the after look of the colors during a nice sunny time of day. I put up shelves to display the many trinkets I own. Every time I walk into my house and see the colors shining brightly a smile lights up on my face. I feel so happy cooking in my cute nerdy kitchen and working at my very me desk. (Pardon the messes in some of the pictures these spaces are still works in progress.) 

 

 

When I choose my colors and decorate the spaces the only person I am thinking about is me. I am the one who is going to live here every day. I did asked some of my family and friends about the colors I was thinking when in swatch form I got responses like the colors are "too bright" or "not really a kitchen color". I didn't let it alter my vision. Though hearing other peoples opinions was quite helpful because I looked at the colors others offered in suggestions and knew that those were not me and didn't go with my vision for the spaces. Now that the spaces are coming together and paint is fully up everyone seems to love the colors as much as I do.

Tomorrowland

I saw Tomorrowland last night which is when I really should have wrote this but I was not near my computer.

What did it make you think? Did you get the message?

I was having a discussion with my friend about the ending because he thought it was vague and what I took from it was that everyone is just waiting around for scientists to figure out our worlds problems while we all don't do anything out of our way to help contribute. As long as it doesn't take time or cost money than people are on board. We expect the smart scientists to solve our problems but get mad that isn't happening quickly enough. That's like tomorrowland where they only took the scientists/inventors back with them to better their society originally. Now at the end the new robot children are set out to find "dreamers". The people who will not give up on their passion or continue to better the environment even if goes unnoticed. A ballerina, a lady planting trees in urban areas, a man protecting wild animals from hunters, a teacher, etc. these people may not be scientists but they are the hard workers who have unmeasurable will and persistence which is needed in stopping the end of the world through positive change on earth.

In real life how many people do you know that preach and preach about a cause or a way of life and then do not actively participate in it? I know so many people who speak about helping the less fortunate through charities or giving gifts at Christmas but have never thought to stop and buy a meal for the homeless person on the street on a regular day. I have been preached at about recycling and how I must do it but that same person goes through five plastic water bottles on a daily basis when a reusable travel mug would be much better for the environment. People who get mad at the government or at scientists because they are not doing enough to find a way to save the plant from this or that but offer no solutions themselves. I understand as humans we are judgmental and selfishly stuck in our own lives but in order to help you must try.

That is what I got from the movie. I am not saying it is a perfect movie or that I even got the message right but I believe in humans power to change.

Update on new place.

I have a lot of things in the rooms I think they would probably go but nowhere near done or organized to my final liking. Haven't painted yet. Gotta wait on that because it's expense and I bought a bed and couch first. The floor plan of each of my rooms turns out to be completely different now that I have the couch in the room or the dresser in the room. It is turning into something new that I am falling for. No use getting hung up on ideas that don't work. 

The plan and process is still underway. 

Food for thought: current events

All I want to say on the Jenner "issue" . After seeing opinions and articles everywhere this is all I really have to say:

You know maybe the world is getting a bit more confusing. Maybe "woman" or "man" might not mean what they do anymore and that scares people. We were all born with labels and we have defined them in our minds to mean individual things due to our experiences. I find I have grown into defining myself by my name. Yes I am a woman in the physical and emotional sense but maybe I am also a "man" in the sense that I strive to be strong and protect the people I love. These labels don't really mean much but the bathroom we use in public. Clothes/shoes/magazines/sports..etc are all seperate but that never has stopped a woman from trying to join a mans team or wearing men's clothes nor from men wearing women's clothes and makeup. 

For years I have said my religion is Katana because I do not believe in just one thing while at the same time I do not want to hinder anyone else in their beliefs unless they put me and my own in danger. Now I am Katana. I will live my life the way I choose. I will not hold judgement over others who are discovering their own path in the world. I will use a woman's restroom because that is where I feel comfortable and I will anytime I please wear some men's clothing because I feel comfortable in them. 

Have a nice day! 

Dear Me in 2010,

(Imagine though if you got one of these five years ago. I would have been fresh out of high school. All the things I have done since could be done differently but would I want to be that person?? That person I was didn’t feel as much pain as I have felt these last five years. That person never had a job. That me thought she knew what love could be. That person had seen loss before but didn’t feel it the way it hits when more is lost.)


Dear Me in 2010,

Congratulations! You are fresh out of high school which I know was a bit of a struggle there in the last stretch. Really though I am so proud of you. There are some things I want to tell you without giving too much away. These next five years are going to be a bit of a roller coaster but no worries we mostly like roller coasters. 

I need you to know that it is not your fault. You didn't need to be better or smarter or prettier. You are already amazing in every way. Time happens. People grow apart. Even people who love each other. There is a reason it is called a first love because it is the first of many. I know how you are feeling. The flashbacks of your favorite memories are hard to swallow in the beginning. I know it hurts. Lots and lots of time will pass and you will still have moments where his name suddenly flashes by in your mind and then you'll smile because you once had fun with that name. 

Try a little harder with your homework drawings please. I am not so great at it so hopefully you absorb a little more skill than I did. Seriously though you are going to have so much fun at FIDM. You learn what you do not want to become there. Not that fashion design wouldn't totally be awesome. It is still a dream of ours just you'll learn what type of designer you want to be. Spend time getting to know the people more because they are amazing individuals. Sorry to say this but we don't watch every movie in the movie section of the library. We tried really hard but it didn't happen. Try the Thai food! No sushi though that stuff is gross. I am pretty sure we kept the fish and chips stand open so keep eating there because it is delicious.

You are going to have a truly epic day with your best friend. Enjoy it. Take it all in. Wear comfortable shoes!

Anyone who brings snacks when they visit deserves five thousand hugs. Remember this! They are your favorites. Invite them often because they always bring snacks. Also don't trust the community fridge somebody always steals your food! Get a mini fridge early on. 

2011 is an interesting year.

When you leave San Francisco you are going to be sad and miss it. I can't tell you anything to change that. I am sorry.

You go to prom again make your date and friends actually dance. Help them have fun at their prom. You know they are shy!

JOB HUNTING SUCKS! You will soon find out but eventually you will find one.

Put down the torch you are carrying. Move on. Your feelings are better spent on new adventures.

Your 19th birthday is one of the best you'll have for a while. Don't worry about what anyone else thinks just have fun and dance the night away with Tron.

Also congrats on the quick reactions. (You'll see)

Go slow. Overwhelming yourself never helped anything.

Reminder: Scooby Doo sized sandwiches are never a good idea. That stuff will catch up to you. Don't go nutso with the food.

2012 just isn't going to start out well. Take time to breathe. It is all over they place and so are you. Many trips are had with various people you love.

Your instincts serve you well so always trust them.   I know! I know! Scary right? You are going to be okay. It is all okay.

You go to a baby shower! Not telling you who's though.

We hurt him. I hurt him really bad. I didn't mean to. I really didn't. He was my friend and I hurt him. Be nicer. Say everything sweeter to him. Don't let him get too attached in the first place maybe. I wanted to see if it would work out. Why did he have to go and say those things to our friends? Trust our friends. Why did he have to smoke and lie about it. Two things I cannot stand but it was mostly what he said. I stopped wanting anything to work because he cared more about what people thought. But I hurt him. He said he needed a break from our friendship because it hurt to much to see me. Then he kept on writing about how much he missed me but wasn't ready to see me. That hurt me. To dangle friendship hoping that I would go for dating instead. I waited so long and got so many I miss you messages but nothing else. That hurt. Were we ever friends? Did you ever want to be my friend or was dating me the only goal? These thoughts cloud my mind even still when it has been almost four years since we have talked about more than you missing me. I am sorry I hurt you. I am sorry I sent that message! I was so mean. I called you whiny and told you to decide if you even wanted to be my friend. I was heartless. He meant so much to me that I freaked out on him.

New really fun job!

Hug grandma a bunch when you are in Vegas for Christmas but not to hard you don't want to hurt her. Tell her you love her. Spend lots of time doing things she would like to do that trip. Nobody in our family welcomes in the new year so there is no point staying up to try and greet it. You need sleep anyways. Listen to grandma's words even if she is partially wrong because trust me I know that thought enters your head cause it is still swimming in mine.

2013 opportunities arise. Also new friends are always good!

We still hate the C***** word. We hate it a lot.

Just because he comes when you are crying does not mean you should light the torch back up. You called him first though so that shows how much trust you still have for him.

SUNSCREEN!! Use it!

2014 your silly accident streak continues. (You'll see)

You attend a wedding for your favorite cowboy!

You spend a lot of time with kids and love every minute of it.

Also you spend a lot of time at the gym.

You also eat a lot of ice cream.

Then there is now which is 2015.

We try lots of new things so far this year

&&&

A big grand new adventure is awaiting you. It is awaiting me and I am so excited.

Future,                  

Katana        

PS. Take everything in strides. There is no right way to do anything. We learn from our mistakes and the people we lose along the way.