Breakdown

Had a bit of a malfunction today. I just started to cry at the littlest thing and then the next littlest thing and so on. They didn't even bother me I just couldn't stop crying. I guess I just snapped because of all the stress I have been under lately with the end of school coming up soon and the piles of stress being dumped on me at work I haven't had any time to just breathe and let it out so I guess my glass just overflowed today.

I feel like people have just been using me so much lately. Everyone wants something and I just don't have any more to give right now. I need to do the best for me.

I expect the best of myself and push to get the best grade I can. Push to make my store better and coworkers happy. I cover for people even though I have things I need to get done. I get cancelled on all the time yet I continue to try and meet up with the same people. I check up on my friends and call or text them to see how they are doing.

But then when I ask for something in return it gets forgotten. I get emails about how I haven't done enough and how I need to do more for the store. How it is my fault when a mistake is made. I get the blame and I have to clean up every mess. I don't get checked up on by my friends. So if I don't call or text we don't talk. Why am I always the glue? Why do I always have to be the one who tries harder? Cares more?

Luckily today when I called out sick because I felt I would sound ridiculous if I said I can not stop crying so I can't come to work today somebody stepped up. Thank you for covering me. I couldn't pretend today. I couldn't put on a smile and make everyone else's lives better while inside I am confused and falling apart today

Stress is something I always have but rarely acknowledge. I push things down and keep going when it's okay to cry and deal with shit. I am human. I will not let stress hinder an entire day again. I will learn from this and deal with things. I am not Mary Poppins bag I cannot hold everything in me. I am a glass and when filled to the brink I overflow.

So I am going to take a breathe and a sip every here and there to keep my glass roomier.