Dear Me in 2010,

(Imagine though if you got one of these five years ago. I would have been fresh out of high school. All the things I have done since could be done differently but would I want to be that person?? That person I was didn’t feel as much pain as I have felt these last five years. That person never had a job. That me thought she knew what love could be. That person had seen loss before but didn’t feel it the way it hits when more is lost.)


Dear Me in 2010,

Congratulations! You are fresh out of high school which I know was a bit of a struggle there in the last stretch. Really though I am so proud of you. There are some things I want to tell you without giving too much away. These next five years are going to be a bit of a roller coaster but no worries we mostly like roller coasters. 

I need you to know that it is not your fault. You didn't need to be better or smarter or prettier. You are already amazing in every way. Time happens. People grow apart. Even people who love each other. There is a reason it is called a first love because it is the first of many. I know how you are feeling. The flashbacks of your favorite memories are hard to swallow in the beginning. I know it hurts. Lots and lots of time will pass and you will still have moments where his name suddenly flashes by in your mind and then you'll smile because you once had fun with that name. 

Try a little harder with your homework drawings please. I am not so great at it so hopefully you absorb a little more skill than I did. Seriously though you are going to have so much fun at FIDM. You learn what you do not want to become there. Not that fashion design wouldn't totally be awesome. It is still a dream of ours just you'll learn what type of designer you want to be. Spend time getting to know the people more because they are amazing individuals. Sorry to say this but we don't watch every movie in the movie section of the library. We tried really hard but it didn't happen. Try the Thai food! No sushi though that stuff is gross. I am pretty sure we kept the fish and chips stand open so keep eating there because it is delicious.

You are going to have a truly epic day with your best friend. Enjoy it. Take it all in. Wear comfortable shoes!

Anyone who brings snacks when they visit deserves five thousand hugs. Remember this! They are your favorites. Invite them often because they always bring snacks. Also don't trust the community fridge somebody always steals your food! Get a mini fridge early on. 

2011 is an interesting year.

When you leave San Francisco you are going to be sad and miss it. I can't tell you anything to change that. I am sorry.

You go to prom again make your date and friends actually dance. Help them have fun at their prom. You know they are shy!

JOB HUNTING SUCKS! You will soon find out but eventually you will find one.

Put down the torch you are carrying. Move on. Your feelings are better spent on new adventures.

Your 19th birthday is one of the best you'll have for a while. Don't worry about what anyone else thinks just have fun and dance the night away with Tron.

Also congrats on the quick reactions. (You'll see)

Go slow. Overwhelming yourself never helped anything.

Reminder: Scooby Doo sized sandwiches are never a good idea. That stuff will catch up to you. Don't go nutso with the food.

2012 just isn't going to start out well. Take time to breathe. It is all over they place and so are you. Many trips are had with various people you love.

Your instincts serve you well so always trust them.   I know! I know! Scary right? You are going to be okay. It is all okay.

You go to a baby shower! Not telling you who's though.

We hurt him. I hurt him really bad. I didn't mean to. I really didn't. He was my friend and I hurt him. Be nicer. Say everything sweeter to him. Don't let him get too attached in the first place maybe. I wanted to see if it would work out. Why did he have to go and say those things to our friends? Trust our friends. Why did he have to smoke and lie about it. Two things I cannot stand but it was mostly what he said. I stopped wanting anything to work because he cared more about what people thought. But I hurt him. He said he needed a break from our friendship because it hurt to much to see me. Then he kept on writing about how much he missed me but wasn't ready to see me. That hurt me. To dangle friendship hoping that I would go for dating instead. I waited so long and got so many I miss you messages but nothing else. That hurt. Were we ever friends? Did you ever want to be my friend or was dating me the only goal? These thoughts cloud my mind even still when it has been almost four years since we have talked about more than you missing me. I am sorry I hurt you. I am sorry I sent that message! I was so mean. I called you whiny and told you to decide if you even wanted to be my friend. I was heartless. He meant so much to me that I freaked out on him.

New really fun job!

Hug grandma a bunch when you are in Vegas for Christmas but not to hard you don't want to hurt her. Tell her you love her. Spend lots of time doing things she would like to do that trip. Nobody in our family welcomes in the new year so there is no point staying up to try and greet it. You need sleep anyways. Listen to grandma's words even if she is partially wrong because trust me I know that thought enters your head cause it is still swimming in mine.

2013 opportunities arise. Also new friends are always good!

We still hate the C***** word. We hate it a lot.

Just because he comes when you are crying does not mean you should light the torch back up. You called him first though so that shows how much trust you still have for him.

SUNSCREEN!! Use it!

2014 your silly accident streak continues. (You'll see)

You attend a wedding for your favorite cowboy!

You spend a lot of time with kids and love every minute of it.

Also you spend a lot of time at the gym.

You also eat a lot of ice cream.

Then there is now which is 2015.

We try lots of new things so far this year

&&&

A big grand new adventure is awaiting you. It is awaiting me and I am so excited.

Future,                  

Katana        

PS. Take everything in strides. There is no right way to do anything. We learn from our mistakes and the people we lose along the way. 

Workspace Plan

The plan is functional and space saving. I want to have a space to do a ton of projects and planning but not take up the entire room with things. Since the work space is in what is normally the dining room I was thinking of looking for some space saving furniture pieces like these tables that convert to shelves or kitchen islands that have stool space and some even pop up a bigger table area.

  

How nice would this be when you have people over. Just take the things of the shelf and open up as a big table. Once people leave you give it a clean and then back to shelves it goes. Also could serve as a second work space.

Desk wise I am thinking a drafting table! It is easily angled depending on what I am working on which is not limiting to my creativity. Also space saving cause can be angled and looks nice as well.





For the walls I am thinking the color orange. Like bright neon-ish orange. It is one of my favorite colors as well as there is a big window in the area so it would be a nice color with all that light pouring in. Then when I find or make lots of inspiring quote posters or put up art they will pop.

That is the plan so we will see what ends up happening.

Nerd Kitchen Plan

Wall color is hard here because my fandom loves are so vibrant and colorful or absent of color so don't want to clash but also I for sure do not want white walls. I have had a lot of white walls the last five years. All five places I have moved were and probably still are white walls. So the thought is Yellow. Not sure exactly the light to bright I am going to go yet but yellow. It is a very kitchen color, it stimulates hunger (not quite sure on that but I think it is yellow and red have effects on hunger and metabolism) which is great for a kitchen and it just makes me happy. Yellow goes with pretty much everything without having the red and green together makes Christmas effect.

I want to line the back of my cabinets with comic book posters. The shelves will cut up the image a bit so the entire poster wont be seen but then again so will all the dishes. It is more of a this will make me happy project nobody else will probably even know it is there.

So like this cabinet but instead of wall paper there is Captain America poster.

  

I am leaning more towards the vintage poster designs because they have the comic stripes behind so there is a lot more going on. The more color going on the better since I don't think I will be allowed to paint the white cabinets the posters will be my pop.


In the idea wheel I also want to get little nerd things you can buy like light-saber popsicle molds, cookie cutters from different shows, legos in the soap pump, R2D2 measuring cups and so on and so forth everything nerdy I can get my grubby hands on. I have nothing so I have the option of slowly buying everything in nerd form.

The ideas are endless but those are the bigger plans for the room. Color and accent prints!!

That is the plan so we will see what ends up happening.

Living room plan

Green walls! Not dark but not neon either just a middle of the spectrum green. Green is the best color and my absolute favorite! Instead of television I want to do a projector with a pull down screen. Then when its not being used it pulls up and barely noticeable. That will take up one wall while the other wall I would like to make a tree bookshelf. Here are some but not exactly the shape or style I want mine to be but general idea is the same.



A tree bookshelf ties into my nature room without being to crazy in the theme. I already have a snuggle up recliner which is just a wider recliner so two people can fit. Its is a darker brown color so for a couch I am thinking more of a lighter color to contrast. I have no ideas at this point because I haven't been couch shopping at all yet.

I think it would be really nice to have a "coffee" table like this one for storing notepads and pens to keep score on when board games are being brought out. Also just other things like coasters inside because I don't know if I generally like coasters just sitting out on tables when nobody has a drink. Also you can have it extended out and keep snack on it while watching a movie.




If I am to have any plants in my house these three are the only ones I think I would want an aloe plant, small succubus/succulents (not sure if those are different or same) and cactus.


That is the plan so we will see what ends up happening.

Nautical Bathroom Plan

Blue walls on the lighter side of the blue spectrum. Maybe even each wall gets gradually darker but still super light blues.

The wall behind the door that is not covered by anything and is reflected in the mirror will be my anchor wall. I want to paint different size anchors all over it. Goofy silly anchors to realistic shaped anchors. Probably in white or a darker blue than the wall color.



I have a Lighthouse.... nightlight... is the best way to describe it that I still need to paint from Color Me Mine. The only reason I haven't painted it is because I want it to pop out in the room so I am waiting to see the colors that are going to be in the room first. First thought is obviously red and white stripes but there are so many unique lighthouses around the world I am not set on any one color just yet.


I want a world map somewhere in there even if it is the smallest detail. Something wrapped in rope like a basket to keep little hand towels in or just the edging on the medicine cabinet. Maybe a boat, captains wheel, an oar, life preserver, surfboard......so many possibilities but I am going to limit myself so the room isn't cluttered with everything and anything.

There is a window in the bathroom above/in the shower that I want to go get stained glass window stickers to cover up. It will give a nice effect and also privacy since I am on the first floor.

That is the plan so we will see what ends up happening.

Where to start?

So I am moving in three days and all I can think about besides that I need to stop procrastinating on packing is that I need to decide what paint colors I want for each room. I have gone to home depot twice and grabbed so many paint swatches it ridiculous. I don't know what they must be thinking when I leave.

I read somewhere that you should choose the finish of your paint first. So flat, matte, eggshell, satin, semigloss or gloss. Living areas are usually more flat and matte. While halls, kitchens and bathrooms are better with satin or semi gloss because they are more scratch resistant and the shiny stuff for trims. I have no idea though! I have never painted a house. Scratch that I have. I just have never picked the paint when painting a house.

Also I am going to paint my front door. No idea if that is different paint or if there are steps to painting a front door. I guess glossy paint is the best because it is durable and that is what you want in a front door.

Anyways....
I will be living near the beach but I do not want a beach themed house. I actually am not a fan of sand and am just recently starting to get over my fear of the ocean. But yes. No beached themed house. I love lighthouses and nautical things but not throughout the entire house because that is not my entire personality. So my solution is nautical themed bathroom! Then I can keep my light house, anchor, boats, bubbles, rope and pirate flags to a minimum in a small space. Nautical things also feel quite relaxing which is what I would like that room to be about.

Kitchen. Kitchen. Kitchen! My favorite place to be a lot of the time since I am a big food lover and plan on cooking a bunch more so I want this room to be everything I am. I am going to make this a nerdy kitchen. The plan is superheroes, sci-fi, movie and television characters and so much more both in decor but in functional pieces too.

Dining area is going to be more a desk area. I am one person so I don't need a dining table all the time. I have big hopes for this work space though since I will be exploring the blog world and hopefully youtube but also just crafty DIY's in general.

Living room for all my living needs but not really its more my comfort needs. I want a projector! I want a projector and screen to project on instead of television. The room is going to be more of a nature theme. Not like plants everywhere or jungle prints but just greens, browns lots of hopefully wood furniture. Very relaxing place to watch a movie, read or play board games.


FRONT DOOR! Bilbo Baggins green for the door.

Maybe even putting the mark Gandalf left (in glow and the dark paint?!?!?! That could be cool)
                                               


           (Hopefully) With this door mat!! 
    

GRADUATED!

Don't feel any different. Not that I really thought I would. Graduation itself was mostly fun because I spent it with one of my closest friends. It rained a bit and the wind was brutally cold but our laughter made it better. So anyways here are some pictures:

                   On our way to graduation. So excited and nervous just because it was almost done.

       

Mel and me not listening to speeches. 

       

                           My sister came and sat through graduation in shorts. What a trooper! 
                                              Love her so much. She is my oldest friend. 

 

                                       Couldn't have shared the process with a better person!

 

I did it! I am graduated. I am done with school for a while but I am sure I will eventually go back. Now if I could only decide what I want to do for a living. 

Class of 2015.

Took a nap.

After getting only an hour and a half of sleep because I was up finishing projects and writing papers for my three finals I had today (the first one starting at seven in the morning) I came home and fell straight asleep. My nap was amazing. It was also five and a half hours long! Oh well I have work tomorrow and then my last final AND GRADUATION on Thursday. So excited because not only am I done for a while with school but I get to see my family. I love them so much and my grandma is in town which makes it extra special. Also one of the only reasons I am really walking is because I want to go out to dinner after. Mostly serious about that but also my girl Melissa who is one of my closest friends is also graduating so we wanted to do this together.

Twelve days until I move into my own apartment!

Looking forward

Tomorrow is my last day of classes then next week is all finals! So relieved but busy up until graduation. My friend, Justin, just today dropped off his cap and gown so that I can borrow it. I did not want to buy one since I really don't ever need one to keep.

I am also heading over the hill to see my mama tomorrow since I did not get to spend mother's day with her. Nothing to fancy just us hanging out and me helping her clean, paint and move things into my parents new place. Then Friday my grandma gets into town from Arizona and we three are all going to hang around the house and do more moving and chatting while my dad and sister are away at a race around LA.

I have started packing up my stuff for my move over the hill. My car is pretty packed but there is still so much to bring another time.

18 more days!!

Breakdown

Had a bit of a malfunction today. I just started to cry at the littlest thing and then the next littlest thing and so on. They didn't even bother me I just couldn't stop crying. I guess I just snapped because of all the stress I have been under lately with the end of school coming up soon and the piles of stress being dumped on me at work I haven't had any time to just breathe and let it out so I guess my glass just overflowed today.

I feel like people have just been using me so much lately. Everyone wants something and I just don't have any more to give right now. I need to do the best for me.

I expect the best of myself and push to get the best grade I can. Push to make my store better and coworkers happy. I cover for people even though I have things I need to get done. I get cancelled on all the time yet I continue to try and meet up with the same people. I check up on my friends and call or text them to see how they are doing.

But then when I ask for something in return it gets forgotten. I get emails about how I haven't done enough and how I need to do more for the store. How it is my fault when a mistake is made. I get the blame and I have to clean up every mess. I don't get checked up on by my friends. So if I don't call or text we don't talk. Why am I always the glue? Why do I always have to be the one who tries harder? Cares more?

Luckily today when I called out sick because I felt I would sound ridiculous if I said I can not stop crying so I can't come to work today somebody stepped up. Thank you for covering me. I couldn't pretend today. I couldn't put on a smile and make everyone else's lives better while inside I am confused and falling apart today

Stress is something I always have but rarely acknowledge. I push things down and keep going when it's okay to cry and deal with shit. I am human. I will not let stress hinder an entire day again. I will learn from this and deal with things. I am not Mary Poppins bag I cannot hold everything in me. I am a glass and when filled to the brink I overflow.

So I am going to take a breathe and a sip every here and there to keep my glass roomier.

Graduation.....eek!

15 days left until graduation hits! After that 10 more days left at Color Me Mine. THEN. then. then. I am moving in to my own apartment in the Santa Cruz area. So excited but also that means I have so much stuff to do in so little time. MOTIVATION KEEP ME GOING!!