Friday, May 29, 2015

Dear Me in 2010,

(Imagine though if you got one of these five years ago. I would have been fresh out of high school. All the things I have done since could be done differently but would I want to be that person?? That person I was didn’t feel as much pain as I have felt these last five years. That person never had a job. That me thought she knew what love could be. That person had seen loss before but didn’t feel it the way it hits when more is lost.)

Dear Me in 2010,

Congratulations! You are fresh out of high school which I know was a bit of a struggle there in the last stretch. Really though I am so proud of you. There are some things I want to tell you without giving too much away. These next five years are going to be a bit of a roller coaster but no worries we mostly like roller coasters. 

I need you to know that it is not your fault. You didn't need to be better or smarter or prettier. You are already amazing in every way. Time happens. People grow apart. Even people who love each other. There is a reason it is called a first love because it is the first of many. I know how you are feeling. The flashbacks of your favorite memories are hard to swallow in the beginning. I know it hurts. Lots and lots of time will pass and you will still have moments where his name suddenly flashes by in your mind and then you'll smile because you once had fun with that name. 

Try a little harder with your homework drawings please. I am not so great at it so hopefully you absorb a little more skill than I did. Seriously though you are going to have so much fun at FIDM. You learn what you do not want to become there. Not that fashion design wouldn't totally be awesome. It is still a dream of ours just you'll learn what type of designer you want to be. Spend time getting to know the people more because they are amazing individuals. Sorry to say this but we don't watch every movie in the movie section of the library. We tried really hard but it didn't happen. Try the Thai food! No sushi though that stuff is gross. I am pretty sure we kept the fish and chips stand open so keep eating there because it is delicious.

You are going to have a truly epic day with your best friend. Enjoy it. Take it all in. Wear comfortable shoes!

Anyone who brings snacks when they visit deserves five thousand hugs. Remember this! They are your favorites. Invite them often because they always bring snacks. Also don't trust the community fridge somebody always steals your food! Get a mini fridge early on. 

2011 is an interesting year.

When you leave San Francisco you are going to be sad and miss it. I can't tell you anything to change that. I am sorry.

You go to prom again make your date and friends actually dance. Help them have fun at their prom. You know they are shy!

JOB HUNTING SUCKS! You will soon find out but eventually you will find one.

Put down the torch you are carrying. Move on. Your feelings are better spent on new adventures.

Your 19th birthday is one of the best you'll have for a while. Don't worry about what anyone else thinks just have fun and dance the night away with Tron.

Also congrats on the quick reactions. (You'll see)

Go slow. Overwhelming yourself never helped anything.

Reminder: Scooby Doo sized sandwiches are never a good idea. That stuff will catch up to you. Don't go nutso with the food.

2012 just isn't going to start out well. Take time to breathe. It is all over they place and so are you. Many trips are had with various people you love.

Your instincts serve you well so always trust them.   I know! I know! Scary right? You are going to be okay. It is all okay.

You go to a baby shower! Not telling you who's though.

We hurt him. I hurt him really bad. I didn't mean to. I really didn't. He was my friend and I hurt him. Be nicer. Say everything sweeter to him. Don't let him get too attached in the first place maybe. I wanted to see if it would work out. Why did he have to go and say those things to our friends? Trust our friends. Why did he have to smoke and lie about it. Two things I cannot stand but it was mostly what he said. I stopped wanting anything to work because he cared more about what people thought. But I hurt him. He said he needed a break from our friendship because it hurt to much to see me. Then he kept on writing about how much he missed me but wasn't ready to see me. That hurt me. To dangle friendship hoping that I would go for dating instead. I waited so long and got so many I miss you messages but nothing else. That hurt. Were we ever friends? Did you ever want to be my friend or was dating me the only goal? These thoughts cloud my mind even still when it has been almost four years since we have talked about more than you missing me. I am sorry I hurt you. I am sorry I sent that message! I was so mean. I called you whiny and told you to decide if you even wanted to be my friend. I was heartless. He meant so much to me that I freaked out on him.

New really fun job!

Hug grandma a bunch when you are in Vegas for Christmas but not to hard you don't want to hurt her. Tell her you love her. Spend lots of time doing things she would like to do that trip. Nobody in our family welcomes in the new year so there is no point staying up to try and greet it. You need sleep anyways. Listen to grandma's words even if she is partially wrong because trust me I know that thought enters your head cause it is still swimming in mine.

2013 opportunities arise. Also new friends are always good!

We still hate the C***** word. We hate it a lot.

Just because he comes when you are crying does not mean you should light the torch back up. You called him first though so that shows how much trust you still have for him.


2014 your silly accident streak continues. (You'll see)

You attend a wedding for your favorite cowboy!

You spend a lot of time with kids and love every minute of it.

Also you spend a lot of time at the gym.

You also eat a lot of ice cream.

Then there is now which is 2015.

We try lots of new things so far this year


A big grand new adventure is awaiting you. It is awaiting me and I am so excited.


PS. Take everything in strides. There is no right way to do anything. We learn from our mistakes and the people we lose along the way. 

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